In Apologia, a distinguished-looking man in a suit, His Honor, speaks to the audience from a lectern, thanking them for coming so that he can offer his sincerest apologies to the Girl Scouts, goats, cannibals, Millard Fillmore, the people of Finland, roaches, Woosocket, Rhode Island, his mother, cows, cheese, hand puppets, his nose, God, Fox News, and his cat.  He apologizes for apologizing and for not shooting himself in the head with a nail gun.  He says he is sorry for all those who had to sit on their fat asses and listen to this bullshit and asks if they have nothing better to do with their time.  He says he needs a drink and is sure he will see them all tomorrow when he apologizes for whatever he is going to do tonight.  He says he feels better, getting all that off his chest and asks if anyone knows where he can find a prostitute.

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