The Madness of King Ubu

The Madness of King Ubu is a monologue for a large orange person who is surrounded by crash dummies.  Ubu tramps into the light and loudly says, “GOLD,” telling us that we thought he was going to say “shit” but gold is better.  He wants to build a golden tower with golden furniture and all the people will bow down and worship him.  In his kingdom the truth will be whatever he says it is.  He indicates the crash dummies as his Secretary of Farting, the Secretary of Masturbation, the Secretary of Gold-Plated Turds, the Secretary of Brain Death, and the Secretary of Horse Buggery.  People, he says, are stupid and they will believe anything if you keep screaming it over and over.  He picks up a stuffed animal cat, saying he loves nothing more than fondling a nice, soft pussy.  He thinks the crash dummies are whispering that he is a fat, stinking toad, and he puts on a hand puppet and does the voice of the puppet arguing with his own voice.  The voices call each other puppet until he rips the puppet off his hand and throws it upstage, the puppet voice screaming.  In his own voice he shouts he is the monster they see in the mirror that they have secretly wanted all their lives.  Out of breath, he staggers, telling us that he dreams that everything he touches turns to gold until he realizes that it’s shit and he is suffocating in it.  When he wakes up and realizes it was all a dream, he wonders how he can know what is real.  He says he could be the Emperor of nothing, or another crash dummy, or perhaps somebody else’s dummy.  He asks who wrote the puppet play he is in, and where will he or the audience be when the play ends.  “None of us will be real,” he says as the light fades out.

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