Beavers on Uranus

In Beavers on Uranus, Portia speaks to her date about the evening being a complete waste of time.  She says all guys are only interested in her boobs.  She relates to the guy who’s been strangling people with sock puppets.  She says finding happiness in love is as likely as finding intelligent, lap-dancing beavers on Uranus.  She tells her date that he would say just about anything to get her underpants off and wonders what he finds attractive about her, but she is pretty sure his answer would be more bullshit.  She eats peanut butter and cheese before going to sleep so that she will be able to remember her nightmares, but now she can’t sleep at all.  She says falling in love is like stepping into a big shit hole because love makes us blind and stupid and we don’t even see the person we think we’re in love with because we just project onto them something that reminds us of somebody else that we think we used to love.  Imagination kills, and love kills.  But, she says, she is too tired and lonely and in despair to make him leave.  She says this is his lucky night; she will show him her sock puppet collection.

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