Uncertainty

Uncertainty, a third Laura monologue for an attractive women in her late twenties sitting at a wooden table in a circle of light, also deals with ambiguity and the inexplicable.  Laura, talking perhaps to a detective about a death in the house, cannot remember how she got blood on her hands.  She says that there were a lot of people partying and the next morning “he” was dead.  She says she takes pills to help her sleep and admits to sleepwalking when she was a girl, dreaming she was sitting naked on the front lawn but feeling really cold and seeing the school bus go by with all the faces looking out the windows at her.  She tells the person questioning her that she wants to go home and clean up the room.  She says her stepfather had knocked on the door during a thunderstorm.  She hadn’t seen him since she had gone off to college and she says she would have had no reason to kill him, that once he had saved her from drowning with his strong hands.  She mentions that a big gray cat had gotten into house and she remembers hearing owls and three women talking about our inability to know at the same time the position and velocity of a particle.  She thinks her life is like that—sometimes she knows where she is but doesn’t know where she’s going, and sometimes she knows where she’s going but doesn’t know where she is.  She asks if she dreamed that the man’s hands were cut off.  She relates a nightmare she used to have about looking into a mirror and seeing a praying mantis looking back at her.  She says the man helped form her mind but that she had to leave and had lost touch with him.  She tells about coming home late the night before she left for college and finding the man burning his book.  She knew he wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t, and when she went to bed she left her door open but he didn’t come in.  She says she never called him or wrote to him and didn’t pick up the phone when he called.  She put all his letters, unopened, in a box.  She says that when he arrived on her doorstep in the rain, looking very sick, she took him up to the guest room and then went back to the party and continued drinking.  In the morning, awaking naked in her bed, she wrapped a sheet around her and went to the guest room and found blood everywhere.  She thinks somebody must have come in during the night, thatperhaps he was followed, that somebody was after him.  She says she just wants to wake up or else go to sleep and not wake up at all and not dream.  The worst thing, she says, is the uncertainty, never knowing for sure what’s real, and maybe not wanting to know.  She asks if she can go.

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