Doctor Sinistrari on Zombie Island

In the darkness we hear the sound of a foghorn and Doctor Sinistrari appears out of the fog in Doctor Sinistrari on Zombie Island, welcoming us to the island and telling us that he is evil and has locked us in his cabinet of horrors.  He says it does not matter that Aquanetta cannot act because she is “unspeakably beautiful.”  He says that we are dreaming the dream he has put in our heads and that the sound of the movie is poor because the nitrates are disintegrating the film.  He says that in his scenes with Aquanetta she looks only at his left ear perhaps because she is afraid his eyes will turn her into a zombie or perhaps because she fears he will see that she has no idea what the hell she is doing.  But she is a nice girl, the kind you want to bring home to Mother in a cardboard box.  He tells us that the zombies are having a picnic but that he would not want to be a zombie sitting in a darkened movie theatre “watching crap like this.”  He tells us his punishment for coming to America is to be surrounded by zombies in Hollywood, the zombie capital of the universe.  Although he has worked with all the greats and near-greats, he is very lonely and has been unable to escape from the island.  His theory is that no one is paying to watch “these unspeakable monstrosities,” that the theatre is empty and the film keeps repeating endlessly.  He thinks he hears a fog horn and cups his hand to his ear.  After a moment, we hear the fog horn.  He says the excursion boat is here and that the devourer will be arriving soon.  Again he says he hears the fog horn and cups his hand to his ear.  Again we hear the fog horn, and he begins his welcome with the opening words of the monologue as the light on him fades and goes out.