The Tale of Mr. McGregor

The lone actor in The Tale of Mr. McGregor speaks from his walled garden which he says would be a paradise if it were not for the damned rabbits who eat all his vegetables, talk to the mice and the crows, and wear clothes.  The rabbits, “the damned Satanic rabbits,” stare at him and are becoming more aggressive, attacking the cat and carving their names on the tool shed.  The rabbits hang about the rubbish heap, smoking and drinking with the squirrels.  He tells us that one day he found six baby bunnies and put them in a burlap bag, but when he showed them to his wife she said there were no bunnies but just a bunch of rotten fruit.  His wife tells him that he is very sick, and he sees bunnies laughing at him.  He tells us that he lies in bed at night unable to sleep, seeing the red rabbit eyes staring at him, waiting to attack and drag him kicking and screaming to their holes where they will dismember him with little rabbit knives, and bake him in a pie.  “Help me.  Somebody help me.  Help me.”  The lights go out.